Change of Heart
by kensi54382
Summary: Olivia wants to leave the SVU. She goes to see Huang first and he convinces her that she is in the best job ever. Set in season 15, directly after Lewis' attack. (I assume, not know, things after the end of season 14)
1. Goodbyes

**A/N: this chapter isn't going to be long. Sorry :)**

Olivia took a deep breath and knocked on the door to Cragen's office. Snervous hoping to talk to him before work started.

"Come in!"

Olivia opened the door and stepped into the office nervously. She shut the door behind her and then walked up to her captain's desk. He had stopped writing and was watching his detective curiously. He could tell that she was nervous about something.

"What can I help you with Detective Benson?" smiled Cragen.

"Uh, I, uh, I..." started Olivia.

"What's wrong Liv?" Cragen was getting worried.

"I need to talk to you Captain."

Cragen watched as Olivia sat down in a chair across from Cragen.

"Talk Liv. I'm listening."

"I know it's last minute, but if I do it now, I won't do it at all."

"What are you talking about Olivia?"

"I'm transferring to another unit. I start next week."

"Oh, um, alright. That's okay Liv. Why?"

"I need a change if scenery Captain."

"Alright. I really don't want you to go to be honest. But, I won't force you to stay. Are you okay?"

"Yes. Listen, I have to thank you for everything. The last fifteen years have been wonderful. You have been like a father to me, and I'm grateful. You eloped me understand that there are people who care about me, I'll never forget that. You're the best boss ever. No-one can take that away, and nobody can make me change my mind either. Thank you."

Cragen watched Olivia, his best friend and favourite detective, wipe away tears that had started to fall while she had been talking.

"Thank you Liv, and you're welcome. I'm going to miss you so much. You were the daughter I never had. I hope we will stay friends, and I'll always be here for you."

"We will, and, I know. I want to say goodbye to everyone. Bye Captain." Tears were flowing down Olivia's cheeks again, but she didn't try to stop them.

* * *

"Nick," called Olivia, " please come here. I want to talk to everyone."

"Did we get a new case?" asked Fin.

"No. It's more personal than professional."

Nick walked over to his partner, feeling that something wasn't right. Despite the rocky start, he and Olivia were good friends.

"What is it Liv?" asked Nick.

"I'm leaving. For good. I want to say goodbye to everyone."

"You're already beating Stabler. At least you say goodbye to us." Fin pulled Olivia into a hug.

"I'm sorry guys, but I can't do this anymore. Fin, you are the most helpful person I have ever met. What you have done for me, I will never forget. Amanda, Nick, I have taught you all I know. Despite the differences, I would not change anything. I love you guys. Amanda, I never thought I would have another woman to talk to at work. So thank you for being here. Nick, you filled a hole in my heart that I never thought would be filled. You took care of e after I was horrible to you. You are my best friend and the best partner ever. You are a wonderful person Nick, and I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

Olivia looked at her friends sadly. She said goodbye and walked out of the squad room for the last time.


	2. Bad Times

Olivia waited until the elevator doors opened and everyone in front of her got off to take a few deep, calming breaths. Her nerves were even worse now that she had decided what she was going to do. She was glad that no-one had tried to stop her. Olivia stepped off the elevator and almost ran into a man. She apologised immediately without looking up and then hurried off to the reception desk, embarrassed.

"Olivia, wait!"

Ignoring the person that had called her name, and hoping that they were meaning someone else altogether, Olivia stopped at the reception desk. She rang the bell, but before anyone could come, she felt someone put their hand gently on her shoulder.

"Liv, turn around."

Olivia reluctantly did what she was told. She didn't want anything to distract her.

"What's wrong Olivia?" asked Huang. He had just come back from Quantico. "Did something happen? Do you need my help?"

"Actually, I was looking for you. I need to talk to you," answered Olivia. She looked down, embarrassed at showing weakness.

"Sure, come on." Huang was understandably surprised. "Lets got talk in my office. It's quieter and private."

"Thank you."

Olivia followed Huang to his office. She was glad that he was there, but she wasn't sure about whether or not she should talk to him.

"Have a seat Liv." Huang indicated the couch in his office.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I?" asked Olivia. She sat down on the couch, making herself comfortable. Huang smiled at the familiar act.

"Of course not. What's going on? It's rare that you come to me."

"I didn't know who to talk to."

"About what?" Huang's voice was gentle.

"Everything." Tears poured from Olivia's eyes.

"It's okay Olivia. Tell me." Huang passed a box of tissues over.

"Thanks. It's just that everything is catching up with me. I want to leave SVU."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. Can you help?"

"Of course I can Livia. Start from the beginning."

"There's a lot to tell."

"That's what I'm here for. Tell me whatever you can remember."

"Okay. About six months after I started at SVU, which was about fifteen years ago, my friend was murdered and I became the next target. The killer almost succeeded too. We thought that the trap hadn't worked, and were about to give up, when the perp came up and nearly slit my throat. Elliot got him just in time. Almost a year later, in the middle of a case, Cragen told me that my mother died. She was the only family I had left. The same day, I found out I believed a young woman that had been lying to me from the start while laughing at me behind my back. A couple of months later, I almost lost my job because I tried to protect a child from being neglected by her parents. Then, the following year, I was stalked by someone that was innocent when I put him in prison, although I didn't know he was at the time. He murdered three people connected to cases I worked and then tried to kill me." Tears poured down Olivia's face.

"Two years later, which you probably will remember, Alex supposedly died. I lost my best friend, and, even though I found out she was alive and going to witness protection, I still lost her. Memories of my childhood surfaced multiple times that year, making it hard for me to do my job. Then my old DA boyfriend died, leaving me to wonder if he'd given me HIV. I remember talking to you about that."

"I remember. You were terrified, even if you wouldn't admit it. Keep going."

"The next year, a group of dead kids got to me. I'd been working at SVU for six years by then, and I had never seen anything like it before."

"Yes, you cried in front of me that day."

"I had just gotten over that when Alex came back. She didn't stay long enough though, and I didn't get to say goodbye to her when she left again. Then, the next year, my night was ruined when Cragen called me back to work. By the time we got any useful information, everyone thought I was wasting my time. They kept telling me it was a joke. I knew it wasn't but no-one wanted to listen to me. When we found the kid, no-one apologised or acknowledged my dedication and persistence. Closer to the end of that year, Elliot blamed me for the death of a child, even though I had been injured and couldn't do much. My neck had been cut open that day, and by the end of the day, I was so hurt that I transferred to a different unit. I came back after a couple of weeks, but then I left to work with the FBI. No-one even cared that I was gone. While I was doing that, I got injured by an overzealous cop. He punched me for absolutely no reason. They even arrested me for nothing. Later that year, I was working a case alone since Elliot had been injured. By trying to help a kid and his mother, I got sick. When I found out why, there was nothing I could do."

"Keep going. Do you want a drink?" Huang passed a glass of water over when she nodded.

"Then I had to take Elliot's wife to her doctor's appointment because he was too lazy. I got injured in a car accident on the way there when I shouldn't have been there in the first place. A few weeks after that, we were working on the Huntsman case. I connected with the investigator over our childhoods, but then I found out she had killed the Huntsman. I still liked her though. She killed herself in front of me. Before I could get over that, I was sexually assaulted while undercover by the perp I was looking for. I pretended to be okay, but it's not like anyone cared. When I finally managed to stop the nightmares occasionally, I found myself kidnapped as part of a sick experiment."

"Was that the Milgram case?" asked Huang carefully, aware of the pain his friend was feeling.

Olivia nodded. "After that, I started having flashbacks of my attack at Sealview. The worst one came while Fin and I were trying to stop two men from fighting. I moved behind one to grab him but I got pushed backwards and my head hit a picture frame. I remembered something from the attack and didn't realise that I had almost shot one of them. Fin had to pull me away so I could calm down."

"Did you speak to someone about your attack at Sealview?"

"Yeah. It took me four months but I did eventually speak to a counselor."

"Did it work?"

"Yes, after a few sessions."

"Okay, keep going."

"A year later, Elliot and I caught a case. Straight up rape/murder. But we found out that the victims had ties to an FBI case. Agent Porter tried to steer us away from the culprit, which ended with me as a hostage at the airport. I calmed the guy down but Porter shot him, barely missing me in the process. Later that week, I found out that Porter had known all along who the murderer was and that he had been covering for her. He betrayed my trust and expected me to just let it go. Three weeks after that, IAB had me arrested for murder. It got to the point where I asked for a lawyer, even though I was innocent. The real killer framed me and then tried to kill me in my own apartment. I again got sick the following year from inhaling toxic fumes from poisonous mushrooms."

"I remember. I took you back to work that day." Huang smiled.

"Yeah, then a few months later, Sonya died in my arms. Despite everything, we were good friends. I didn't even have a chance to get over that before Elliot left without saying goodbye to me. A week later, I got a new partner. Cragen forced me to forget about Elliot, but I couldn't. I took out my anger and hurt on Nick. Just as we began to trust each other, I almost died. Nick had to save me because the idiotic cop that was meant to stay outside the door left. Then Cragen, the man that is like a father to me, was arrested. I lost him too. When we finally got past that, a perp held me at gunpoint in my apartment. He kidnapped and tortured me for two days before I was rescued. During those two days, I thought that I was going to die." Olivia stopped talking and cried.

"There's more, isn't there? Especially with Elliot?"

"Yes. There's a lot more."

"Tell me about Elliot."

"He left. He didn't say goodbye, doesn't call, text or email. He won't reply to my messages. I still miss him. He was my best friend for twelve years."

"Fair enough. What else is there?"

"The cases in general are hard. I'm always being put in deadly situations, and I always have to go undercover for the less desirable jobs. I always get blamed when things go wrong, whether I was involved or not. I finally had someone to look after, and he was taken away from me. Then there's the fact that I can't adopt a child if I want to work at SVU. They don't think I have support or stability in my life."

"Alright. Look, I think that these things aren't going to change overnight, but we can work on them. You have my numbers. Use them, day or night."

Olivia gave Huang a watery smile. He had always been good at calming her down.


	3. Good Times

"It sounds like you're focused on the bad memories Liv. Surely there are good ones too?" asked Huang.

Olivia looked up from the tissue she had been scrunching into a ball. "Well, yeah, of course there are."

"Why don't you tell me about them?"

Olivia took a drink of water and then looked at Huang. "Why?"

"Because you must have had a reason to stay at SVU for fifteen years. How long is the recommended time span for an SVU detective?"

"About three or four years."

"Why did you stay for fifteen then?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. You must love your job, right? There's something about SVU that keeps you wanting to work there. What is it?"

"I love the job."

"Why? What's so special about SVU?"

"I like helping the victims, I guess."

"What else do you like?"

"I love the people I work with."

"Any in particular?"

"No."

"So you love the team in general?"

Olivia nodded. "They're wonderful. I like that I can tell Nick anything I want to."

"So you obviously trust him. What about Fin and Munch? Do you trust them? You've worked with them for a long time. And Cragen. Do you still trust him? You said earlier that he's like a father figure for you. How about Amanda? She seems really nice." Huang was trying to get as much as he could from Olivia, since she clearly wasn't paying attention anymore.

"Of course I trust them. I mean, Fin knows about everything that happened to me at Sealview, and he definitely knows what Lewis did to me."

"Who's Lewis?"

"He was the one that kidnapped and tortured me last month."

"How did Fin know what happened?"

"He was there when I was rescued. The whole team was. But, it was Nick that actually saved me."

"Alright. Keep going."

"Munch and I get along so well. I love teasing him and he teases me back. I love our friendship. Cragen is a father figure. I trust him with me life. And Amanda, I trust her more each day. She's the only other woman in the unit, and I've told her things that I have never told anyone."

"So what's wrong then? You have some bad memories, but everyone does. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you have anyone in your life that makes you think that you shouldn't work there?"

"No. My only friends are the people I work with and you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

Huang was surprised. "What about the victims? Do you keep in contact with them?"

"No. I still talk to this young boy that I once looked after. He was abandoned by his mother, and I got parental rights for a few weeks. When he was taken away, his grandparents gave me their phone number and address so we could still see each other."

"That's sweet."

"Yeah, they even made me an emergency contact if Calvin ever needed one. There's another girl that I look after as well. She's at college, but someone has to supervise her."

"That's good. It seems like your good memories are stronger than the bad ones."

A smile briefly lit up Olivia's face. "I found out about a year and a half ago that I have a niece and step-nephew. Simon is engaged to a lovely woman and they are getting married in four months time. She asked me to be a bridesmaid."

"Did you agree?"

"Yes."

"That's wonderful Liv. You know what? If you hadn't been working at SVU, you never would have found out that you have a brother, or a family."

"I know. Guess what? You made my decision easier. Thank you."

"What decision?"


End file.
